Merry Christmas??

click it you know you want to!

So, Uh, Yeah.

Well, I blew it for NaBloPoMo and i'm still sick. Still sick after almost 3.5 weeks.

Oh well, maybe next year.

Oh and? And, i've been obsessively working on a paper snowflake with a box cutter for two days now. One snowflake...god help me.

Interweb Algorithms Say:

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try
anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent
some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in.
This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's
time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in
faeries.

Take the Book Quiz

at the Blue Pyramid.

Uh, so yeah. This totally describes me, except maybe the really lonely part, that's where the b.e.d. comes in i suppose. And chilling out under a tree? I'm so ready. Maybe in Mexico...

Oh! Silly Me:

Instead of putting my contacts in this morning, I must have reached for the GROUND UP GLASS by mistake and by the time I got to work, I felt like I wanted to scrape my eyeballss out with a spoon.

I'm Fired!

Yes, yes yes yes yesyes.

I missed a post and for no good reason.

I am officially firing myself.

Happy Veteran's Day

From Acorns to Oaks:

So Tee? I Think it Might Be Time For Another One Eh?

This time though, let's get a traditional polynesian one ok?

Tahiti here we come!

Always On My Mind:

Dear Ramone,

I know it’s been like 12 years since our cosmic paths collided but I still, to this day, think about you and wonder where I might be now had I joined you and your merry band of school-bus-driving hippies.

You and your fabulous head full of dreads, me in my flowing hippie skirts. Your baby soft hands seemed to find all the knots in my shoulders as you massaged them on the sidewalk in front of the Palace while your friends lovingly coaxed primal beats from their bongos in the background. The connection? It was instantaneous, magnetic and mesmerizing. You and your friends were just passing through on your way to pick mushrooms in Oregon and you wanted us to come with you. As my butterfly brain flirted over that possibility we walked, held hands and each other.

Those two days were completely infused with you; sketch books were filled with my impressions of you. Everywhere I went I would be chanting your name, rolling the R, filling myself with the simplicity of your name. Those two days were buttery and warm to me, they were like sinking into a bathtub of melted chocolate.

Ah, Rrrrramone, I will never forget you.

Auntie Wee

Bumper? What Bumper?

I was behind this car on my way to work this morning.
It had not just been in an accident.
At what point do you just give up and say fuck it?

On His Way To You:

So If You Don't Hear Back From Me, I Knocked Myself In The Head With The Tassle End:

"Auntie Wee, are you sure I didn't talk to you about doing a demo this Thursday? I could have swore we talked about you playing a weapon form..."

"No Sifu, we talked about me playing a weapon form for the test last month. But I can do one, I was in there practicing my Cern Ca Dao just a minute ago."

"Good, that's the one I want you to play."

"No, problem."

"Except I want you to play it with my sword..."

"Uhhhh....ok? I, uh, might need to start practing with it soon..."

***

Sifu's sword? It looks like this:

Sunday Goals:

My, ahem, goal(s) for the upcoming week:

• Kickbox more
• Eat less sugar

Simple? We'll see.

I Promise, No Kool-Aid:

While I was at the wedding this summer, I was standing in line, talking with Gorrden when I noticed the beautiful indian woman and her husband in line in front of us. As is my habit, I looked down to check out her shoes and saw that she had on these fantastic beaded moccasins. The woman was increadibly shy, but when I complimented on her beautiful moccasins and asked her if I could take a picture of them she lit up and told me absolutely. I asked her if she had made them and she said no, that she hadn't been able to bead since she had had her stroke, and that her sister brought them back for her from Canada. She was very proud of the fact that they were moose hide.

Recently I have been wanting to explore my culture, to wrap myself up in it and relax down into it. I've been wanting to have something that I can call my own, something that I feel that I belong to. When I see moccasins like that, with the intricate beadwork, it makes me long for that cultural envelopment even more, but I get overwhelmed with the idea of where to start. As a Texan transplant with roots in Browning, Montana I think it might be hard for me to find a way to connect down here.

I realize that I could immerse myself in the culture of wherever I am at the time. That I could use my nomadic roots and rather than one culture, I could assimilate many and make them my own, but when you create something new or your own version of something you're still alone. You don't have a sense of community. So what do you do when you're not willing to join or start your own cult?

Whiter Than Sour Cream:

It is:

4" long, where
2" are brown, and
2" are white and shiney.

It is the newest grey hair I found today. The brown one that happened to grow out grey...

Point Your Finger and Make a Sound:

***

Welcome NaBloPoMo!

***

You know, the bribes of banana bread haven't worked and the not so subtle hinting has garnered absolutely no response. I believe the time to re-evaluate has come.

As I was driving last night I had an idea: why not switch it up a little, use some of that psychology I learned and paid am still paying for? And thusly came up with The Decree:

"Thou shalt not visit without first agreeing to a fully engaged night of The Boogie."

Rather than having some namby pamby open invitation just ligering out there forever, I've decided that any future visits will have the prerequisite of a mandatory night of rug-cutting.

Always aware in the back of your mind that you can come visit me whenever you want? Not any more. Now you will actually have to think about it and ask youself; "Do I have the verve to go out and shake it? Can I embrace the public sweating? Am I up for the challenge?"...

Yep, I'm thinkin' about my doorbell - when you gonna ring it?

I Heart Challenges:

So, because i have too much time on my hands, i signed myself up for NaBloPoMo this year. Because, you know, i'm so good about posting regularly...

Viva!

I'm sitting on the couch, puttering on the computer, the B.E.D. is on the other side of the living room, building a fort and we're both sort of half listening to the television in the background.

We both stop what we're doing when the rhythms of a catchy blues tune infiltrate. A second later my upper lip curls and i hear the B.E.D. utter "ewww?" as viva viagra is slung melodiously from the set in front of us.

We have officially entered into teen-hood.

Pamping:

It Never Fails:

As soon as i turn the sprinkler on, it rains.

Stalking:

woof

Stats to date:

6 months old
57 lbs
has a big dog bark now
still has his nuts

5 Stories Up:

And I'm Supposed to Find Time to Run Regularly Too:

I'm sore. I'm tired. I'm now, by the skin of my teeth, an "advanced" kung fu student.

Please forgive me for my lack of posting these last 3 weeks; i've been "training" for the test i took this Saturday. Here are my miserable stats:

1.5 mile run = finished in 19:01 and should have finished in 15:00...4 points taken off
8 Basic Punches = decided i only need to do 7?...points taken off
8 Basic Kicks = decided i only need to do 7?...points taken off
Gung Lic = apparently made up my own version, leaving a section out...points taken off
Sup Se Lo = ok
8 Basic Stances = ok
8-Chain Punch = ok
Eagle-Claw Hammer-Fist = ok
Dropping Horse Defense = ok
16-Hands = ok
Cern Ca Do (2-handed sword form) = ok
2 minutes of Horse Stance = ok

I passed, but i am not happy with how i did. I'm mad at myself for leaving out a kick and a punch in both of my basics, especially since i've been practicing them correctly. The section that i left out of Gung Lic doesn't seem to bother me as much since i've consistantly been leaving it out since i started "training". Generally i was faster in my forms but they felt sloppy to me (and obviously the repercussions to being quicker was that i forgot some of them...). I was fairly happy with my sword form considering i learned the 3rd section in 2 lessons and could remember it and was able to put all 3 sections together fairly smoothly. I of course could have been lower and more precise, but there were things that i was happy about am content with can accept.

Let me give you a little backstory: since i've been working the front desk on Mondays and Wednesdays i haven't been able to attend any of the Monday night weapons classes and i was missing every Wednesday night class essentially cutting my class time down to 2 nights a week. Should i have proof-reading or editing work that needed to be done (or if i just got burnt out from all the crap i keep up with and have to do), sometimes those Tuesday and Thursday classes got eliminated thus making my practice time whatever i did at home or after hours (without instruction) and the occasional class (blessedly with instruction). Now that i'm in the advanced class, sifu tells me that i will:

• be finishing Gung Lic form (i only know 2 of 3 sections) while simultaneously,
• learning Bong Bo form,
• be catching up on section 1 of the staff form (i am roughly 8 weeks behind) while simultaneously,
• learning section 2 of the staff form (so that i stay caught up),
• be continuing my regular in-class drills and,
• be learning to fight.
  

That all takes place on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Also taking place on Tuesdays - before kun fu - will be a 45 minute ass-kicking kickboxing class. With Sifu. To be followed up with a private lesson kickboxing class with Sifu on Friday afternoons. This is to prepare me to start teaching the kickboxing classes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Apparently there will be no time for burn out.

Anyhoo. That's my story for the past 3 weeks and a brief yet grisly look into the rest of my freakin life...wish me luck.

Morning

!

I am officially a 3 and a 4 today - hooray!

This little message was waiting for me when i got out of the shower this morning. I love mornings that start off with a good solid belly-laugh!

**The Momo? Is a reference to a time when the b.e.d.'s handwriting was a little, hm, ambiguous...

On My Way To My Cube:

I absolutely love this time of year. I like the transition period between full summer and autumn, when you can feel the days getting shorter and you don't have to get up at the butt-crack to see the sun rise. I like the smell as the earth seems to be cooling off; clear and crisp.

Well, Are You?

I saw this on a big utility truck sitting next to me at a stop light. It made me chuckle.

Dangle, Dabble, Toil and Babble:

Well no, i haven't really been anywhere. Then why the hell haven't i been here you ask? Hm. That is a good question. I'm not sure what's been going on really.

I know that i've been flying low, trying to recover from the fiasco that was the Buick's Dying Days - in which i continuously flung money at it in the hopes that, after approximately $700 in the space of a month, it would be fixed and drivable - two vacations, two new tattoos (at, ahem, a significantly lower price than i had anticipated - two for the price of one hey hey!) and the stress brought on by the B.E.D. starting high school. All of this happened within a two month span. I'm broke - but am catching up, have been exhausted - but am catching up, am 4 weeks away from my test out of intermediate and into advanced - which will involve a 1.5 mile run, one complete weapon form and all of my empty hand forms - and i haven't started running or training or, hm, anything.

I'll be turning 34 in a couple of days and it really hasn't sunk in yet, partly due to the thick layer of "burnout" that envelopes me. But not really burnout. But yeah, kinda like burnout. I don't know. Two jobs, free-lancing, and no training seems to take a toll on me, but on the other hand, i've been travelling a lot, have been drawing a lot more and crafting a lot more and have been devouring books. Oh sweet christ have i been reading. And music? Yeah baby. People have just been shoving music at me and i can't seem to get enough. Here Wee, take this external hard drive that has nothing on it but music, and copy what you want. Add some stuff to it if you think i'd like it...Oh, here, i brought this fist-full of CDs for you that i thought you'd like. No, you don't have to give them back, i copied them for you...Ahh and the music. The music, it makes me smile. It elicits "Man! You listen to the coolest music!" from the Blue Eyed Daughter. Oh, and letters. Yeah i've been writing more letters. Well, notes really. Nothing lengthy or soul spewing, but handwritten and slightly personal.

But somehow, my pendulum seems to swing blatantly one way or the other and never just hangs out and i'm thinking that to just dangle would be a nice thing. Dangling with a little dabbling...

His Highness:

Saimon

Francine:

Licking loudly

Sigung:

My Teacher's Teacher (and his grandson).

Sifu:

My Teacher

Titan:

So, uh, he keep growing. Stats as of 09/03/07: 4 months old & 40 lbs. I haven't weighed him since the first of the month...i imagine he weighs more but i'm skeered.

Purple:

Hippity:

This little bunny was sitting at the far end of the parking lot at work the other day. He looks so soft and caressable and completely unaware of the hawks that are seen daily...hunting.

Doesn't Everyone Love Pretty Happy Rainbows?

One of my friends had a birthday last week and i was thinking about beading a prism - sort of like the one above - and sending it to him.

Would that be too unmacho? I'd use manly coloured beads...

He'd Let Us In, Knows Where We've Been:

mi amigos, mi hermanas, mi homies

Cacti:

At the Getty Museum in LA.

Coming Up For Air:

I am sighing a huge sigh of relief. Right now.
Friday morning, i inserted my thumb drive, made the final changes that i needed to make and was finally able to click the glorious print button on the children's book i've been proof-reading and editing since July of last year.

And to celebrate? I cleaned house baby - hell yeah.

Lucille & Bridger:

Two Entirely Separate Instances:

We've just sidled up to the bar, drinks in hand, and i'm apparently doing something dorky, but normal:

my sister: "God i love you."

A.W.: ??

my sister: "You're so strange! But god i love you."


*****

We're in the car, Liz Phair is in the CD player, and i'm "singing" along in my own special way:

B.E.D.: "God i love you."

A.W.: ??

B.E.D.: "You're so strange! But perfect."

Reflecting:

Occasionally, when taking pictures, i take one that captures a lot more than i had been expecting. Whether it's the unmitigated joy of my daughter belly-laughing at her cat or it's the sunlight that whispers through the top boughs of a cedar thicket, some pictures stop me in my tracks, elicits emotions and brings to light things that may have been hiding in the shadows.

I think that part of being away from friends for extended lengths of time causes you to have to make assumptions about them and their state of being. You can talk to them on the phone regularly and know about their ups and downs and you can even understand inherently that they have a tendency toward melancholia. But you sort of have to take them at their stories of being A-OK, of enjoying where they're at and what they're doing despite a tinny echo of sadness coming through the phone.

You can be fully aware that making plans to spend some time with each other comes with a sort of unspoken disclaimer that although the plans are set, there is still a more-than-likely chance that the visiting time will not happen. You understand that and you accept that because in the back of your mind you know what they're like and you take them, quirks and all. But. When you're actually there, in the same building, at the same wedding and their eyes won't ever meet yours, and any attempt at conversation - which normally flows easily and comfortably - seems awkward and sort of painful, a lot of things start to run through your head.

And then you see the picture.

And that one flash of light, that one click of a button, caught more unspoken understanding than you realized.

Catching Up Is Hard To Do:

Ok, so. This has been sitting as a draft since, hm, the 17th. I imagine it's about time for me to drag it out, slap something down and post it. Truth be known, i have 3 of these 'drafts' just sitting there. Three separate times that i thought i had something to say but the actual act of trying to put across the nonsensical warblings that whirl through my brain became so daunting that i'd have rather clicked save and continued to perpetuate my rep as the queen of procrastination than actually herd my thoughts into one spot and try and funnel them through my fingertips.

I have a friend who is not only one the smartest people i know but is also an amazing writer. The converse is that his soul is so tortured that his 'relating to humanity' skills are fairly non-existant and he is, in general, miserable.

But damn, he writes well.

I returned from Montana, got resettled into my dailiness and decided that although i mean for this site to be primarily photos, i should probably include some kind of look at the verbalities of my head. Originally i'd thought that scheduling - ha! - one day a week to put across my missives would be the best and most structured way for me to go about it. Yeah. That's working well isn't it. Anyhoo, my plan is still to write once a week, but, on random days all willy nilly like. It'll be fun! Like a lottery! Woo!

So there we go. One 'draft' down, two more to go...

Incongruous:

There is something confounding, soothing and beautiful about the thorniness in this picture.

I've returned.

I feel incongruous.

I feel the urge to re-evaluate and rearrange.

Daybreak then Sunrise in the Valley:

Returning to Missoula from Polson Sunday morning.

The morning was beautiful and wrenching and enveloping.

A reminder of a place, people and times that have had a huge impact on my life.

Secret Garden:

While i was puttering around at the lodge, waiting to get ready for the wedding, i snuck off to take some pictures and found this enchanting little area right behind the cabin.

The Buzz:

So, having just gotten back from my final trip of the summer to Montana i am slowly recovering from a combination hug/beer fest.

I've got a bunch of pictures and will be updating throughout the day!

The View:

from my new office

Up and Up...

Pink!

The Blind Leading The Blind:

So, this Saturday i spent my time at the West campus of our local junior college. I had been asked about a month ago if i was available to work that day, teaching kung fu and self defense to blind kids
and i was like, sure, why not?

We had about 12 kids in our room, each with varying degrees of sight or in the case of a couple of kids, had lost both their sight and their hearing. We did the whole gamut; warm up, punches and kicks and then we really focused on self defense. My main parts were the stretching and then the verbal defense. My goal was to get them used to raising their voice so they would be heard. I've found that a lot of young girls and even women are afraid to raise their voice - even if they're in an emergency situation. Something to do with society's belief that women are supposed to be soft spoken and never raise their voice - but that's an entirely different soap box for an entirely different day...

During the break we sat around, munching on fruit, talking about what their favorite movies were, whether or not they read in braille, what their favorite foods were and, the most interesting to me, what their favorite colour was. Every single one of those kids had a favorite colour. One young lady, who was born completely blind i believe, said her favourite colour was red. How does she experience red? Some of them said that they don't watch movies per se but they do listen to them, which i can understand and another - the girl whose favourite colour is red - said that she's read all the Harry Potter books (except the newest one) in braille. Dude.

I think my favorite part was when i escorted them to the restroom and overheard them in there:

A1: "What are we doing?"

A2: "I don't know."

A1: "Where's the towel dispenser?"

A2: "Go foward and a little to your left."

A1: "Man, it's like the blind leading the blind in here..."

A2: "Ha! That's cause it is!" and they just busted out laughing.

We talked to the director of the program and she wants us to do more with her; here in town, and then several out of town gigs too. This time, when asked if i was interested i didn't say "sure, why not?" i jumped at the chance.

Well Worth It:

The Auntie was racing to get us all back to shore because i told her i was feeling "sick".

It was all a ploy to get her back to shore by a certain time so that we could usher her home to shower and change for her surprise partay.

Heh!

Blue Eyed Daughter showing me the little crawfish she found in the lake.

She wanted me to take a picture of the crawfish, but,

for some reason my camera only wanted to focus on her...go figure!

Party Prep:

A & D

I used to babysit for, well, both of them actually.

This trip seemed to be a reunion of the majority of the kids i used to babysit back in the day.

Making me feel, hm, a little old?

Damn.