These Days:

I am completely smitten with the two sparkly grey hairs i have on my head...

Brain Rodents Have the Better of Me:

Ok. It seems that my soul has been in a constant state of its own version of Fight or Flight for a while now. I seem to only function in little explosions, afterward retreating into a world of knitting or crafting or something equally absorbing.

I'm not feeling overwhelmed, just out of balance and stretched a little thin. Like my internal scheduler is broken and my life is lopsided. I'm not doing too much, i haven't taken too much on, but i feel like i'm playing psychic whack-a-mole and i'm not keeping up the little buggers.

I guess I need to sit down and get things balanced and focused again. But not only will that take some introspection and most likely some commitments, but! it will cut into my knitting time damnit.

Interweb Algorithms Say:

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try
anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent
some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in.
This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's
time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in
faeries.

Take the Book Quiz

at the Blue Pyramid.

Uh, so yeah. This totally describes me, except maybe the really lonely part, that's where the b.e.d. comes in i suppose. And chilling out under a tree? I'm so ready. Maybe in Mexico...

Sunday Goals:

My, ahem, goal(s) for the upcoming week:

• Kickbox more
• Eat less sugar

Simple? We'll see.

I Promise, No Kool-Aid:

While I was at the wedding this summer, I was standing in line, talking with Gorrden when I noticed the beautiful indian woman and her husband in line in front of us. As is my habit, I looked down to check out her shoes and saw that she had on these fantastic beaded moccasins. The woman was increadibly shy, but when I complimented on her beautiful moccasins and asked her if I could take a picture of them she lit up and told me absolutely. I asked her if she had made them and she said no, that she hadn't been able to bead since she had had her stroke, and that her sister brought them back for her from Canada. She was very proud of the fact that they were moose hide.

Recently I have been wanting to explore my culture, to wrap myself up in it and relax down into it. I've been wanting to have something that I can call my own, something that I feel that I belong to. When I see moccasins like that, with the intricate beadwork, it makes me long for that cultural envelopment even more, but I get overwhelmed with the idea of where to start. As a Texan transplant with roots in Browning, Montana I think it might be hard for me to find a way to connect down here.

I realize that I could immerse myself in the culture of wherever I am at the time. That I could use my nomadic roots and rather than one culture, I could assimilate many and make them my own, but when you create something new or your own version of something you're still alone. You don't have a sense of community. So what do you do when you're not willing to join or start your own cult?

Point Your Finger and Make a Sound:

***

Welcome NaBloPoMo!

***

You know, the bribes of banana bread haven't worked and the not so subtle hinting has garnered absolutely no response. I believe the time to re-evaluate has come.

As I was driving last night I had an idea: why not switch it up a little, use some of that psychology I learned and paid am still paying for? And thusly came up with The Decree:

"Thou shalt not visit without first agreeing to a fully engaged night of The Boogie."

Rather than having some namby pamby open invitation just ligering out there forever, I've decided that any future visits will have the prerequisite of a mandatory night of rug-cutting.

Always aware in the back of your mind that you can come visit me whenever you want? Not any more. Now you will actually have to think about it and ask youself; "Do I have the verve to go out and shake it? Can I embrace the public sweating? Am I up for the challenge?"...

Yep, I'm thinkin' about my doorbell - when you gonna ring it?

And I'm Supposed to Find Time to Run Regularly Too:

I'm sore. I'm tired. I'm now, by the skin of my teeth, an "advanced" kung fu student.

Please forgive me for my lack of posting these last 3 weeks; i've been "training" for the test i took this Saturday. Here are my miserable stats:

1.5 mile run = finished in 19:01 and should have finished in 15:00...4 points taken off
8 Basic Punches = decided i only need to do 7?...points taken off
8 Basic Kicks = decided i only need to do 7?...points taken off
Gung Lic = apparently made up my own version, leaving a section out...points taken off
Sup Se Lo = ok
8 Basic Stances = ok
8-Chain Punch = ok
Eagle-Claw Hammer-Fist = ok
Dropping Horse Defense = ok
16-Hands = ok
Cern Ca Do (2-handed sword form) = ok
2 minutes of Horse Stance = ok

I passed, but i am not happy with how i did. I'm mad at myself for leaving out a kick and a punch in both of my basics, especially since i've been practicing them correctly. The section that i left out of Gung Lic doesn't seem to bother me as much since i've consistantly been leaving it out since i started "training". Generally i was faster in my forms but they felt sloppy to me (and obviously the repercussions to being quicker was that i forgot some of them...). I was fairly happy with my sword form considering i learned the 3rd section in 2 lessons and could remember it and was able to put all 3 sections together fairly smoothly. I of course could have been lower and more precise, but there were things that i was happy about am content with can accept.

Let me give you a little backstory: since i've been working the front desk on Mondays and Wednesdays i haven't been able to attend any of the Monday night weapons classes and i was missing every Wednesday night class essentially cutting my class time down to 2 nights a week. Should i have proof-reading or editing work that needed to be done (or if i just got burnt out from all the crap i keep up with and have to do), sometimes those Tuesday and Thursday classes got eliminated thus making my practice time whatever i did at home or after hours (without instruction) and the occasional class (blessedly with instruction). Now that i'm in the advanced class, sifu tells me that i will:

• be finishing Gung Lic form (i only know 2 of 3 sections) while simultaneously,
• learning Bong Bo form,
• be catching up on section 1 of the staff form (i am roughly 8 weeks behind) while simultaneously,
• learning section 2 of the staff form (so that i stay caught up),
• be continuing my regular in-class drills and,
• be learning to fight.
  

That all takes place on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Also taking place on Tuesdays - before kun fu - will be a 45 minute ass-kicking kickboxing class. With Sifu. To be followed up with a private lesson kickboxing class with Sifu on Friday afternoons. This is to prepare me to start teaching the kickboxing classes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Apparently there will be no time for burn out.

Anyhoo. That's my story for the past 3 weeks and a brief yet grisly look into the rest of my freakin life...wish me luck.

Dangle, Dabble, Toil and Babble:

Well no, i haven't really been anywhere. Then why the hell haven't i been here you ask? Hm. That is a good question. I'm not sure what's been going on really.

I know that i've been flying low, trying to recover from the fiasco that was the Buick's Dying Days - in which i continuously flung money at it in the hopes that, after approximately $700 in the space of a month, it would be fixed and drivable - two vacations, two new tattoos (at, ahem, a significantly lower price than i had anticipated - two for the price of one hey hey!) and the stress brought on by the B.E.D. starting high school. All of this happened within a two month span. I'm broke - but am catching up, have been exhausted - but am catching up, am 4 weeks away from my test out of intermediate and into advanced - which will involve a 1.5 mile run, one complete weapon form and all of my empty hand forms - and i haven't started running or training or, hm, anything.

I'll be turning 34 in a couple of days and it really hasn't sunk in yet, partly due to the thick layer of "burnout" that envelopes me. But not really burnout. But yeah, kinda like burnout. I don't know. Two jobs, free-lancing, and no training seems to take a toll on me, but on the other hand, i've been travelling a lot, have been drawing a lot more and crafting a lot more and have been devouring books. Oh sweet christ have i been reading. And music? Yeah baby. People have just been shoving music at me and i can't seem to get enough. Here Wee, take this external hard drive that has nothing on it but music, and copy what you want. Add some stuff to it if you think i'd like it...Oh, here, i brought this fist-full of CDs for you that i thought you'd like. No, you don't have to give them back, i copied them for you...Ahh and the music. The music, it makes me smile. It elicits "Man! You listen to the coolest music!" from the Blue Eyed Daughter. Oh, and letters. Yeah i've been writing more letters. Well, notes really. Nothing lengthy or soul spewing, but handwritten and slightly personal.

But somehow, my pendulum seems to swing blatantly one way or the other and never just hangs out and i'm thinking that to just dangle would be a nice thing. Dangling with a little dabbling...